Thursday night and no word from my ex. I am having one of those nights of pining for him. I keep pulling myself up and asking myself the huge question…’is it HIM you are missing..’ or just the fact that despite our longterm goals and wishes not matching we were still together. In being together there was a sense of support and belonging that has now gone. Vanished. I know, as I said in that first post much of our relationship was based on handsfree conversations whilst he was on his way someplace else, now that he is not part of my life I miss him. I miss the ….’hello beautiful’, the way we could lapse easily into conversation and it was so easy. I read someplace that this reaction to a breakup is normal. It is human nature to be wistful over something that has gone.
I imagine if a woman or bloke has been in a relationship that is negative to the point of destruction then it would be easy to walk away. My relationship with my ex was not destructive, it is just that it was’nt offering us both any longterm security.
We had a stupid game of cat and mouse. I wanted him, he could take me or leave me. I cooled off. He wanted me. I could take him or leave him. We never properly matched in terms of intensity for each other. As a result of that each of us at one time or another felt the other was too independant or selfish.
The sad thing is we both felt the same for each other in terms of emotional attachment….just not at the same time.

And now its gone. It is over.

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