The reality is that time is a great healer.  The black dog days of wondering if you will recover the pain of a relationship ending do get less.  In my case my heart has got less loud in telling me about its pain, disappointment and angst and my head has become loud and clear rationally telling me my romance ended for no other reason than it simply was not right. 

Calling time on my relationship was a bit like reviving a budgie with brandy.  I called time on the relationship and then in doing so it sparked lots of emotions.  The emotions ranged from pain, to loss …..to finally where I am now, acceptance.

I ended the relationship primarily because all I was to my ex was the Thursday night/odd weekend/handsfree car telephone chat girl.  At least that is how it felt.  As much as I loved being with him, as much as I loved the intimacy, the laughter and all we had….well, it was’nt enough. Over and over he told me how he wanted to be more involved in my business and my life, I knew that openess did not extend to me.  How could I consider a life with a bloke who could not give me a key to his house?. I am not a drinker or a smoker, being involved with my ex would have meant family parties would have involved both.  I had been and seen enough parties with him to know my wish of leaving a social occasion with my man wanting to leave with me at the same time was never going to happen.  I really do think I am better off alone rather than in a relationship where my man has two different behaviour: one for me, one for his family, one for his friends.

The bloke I got was tidy, did not smoke, went to bed at the same time I did. The bloke at home on his own is untidy, smoked and had a body clock that was up the creek.

I am wise enough to know that the expressions about leopards and spots rings true.  The man is who he is.  I know I could never live with a man who smokes. He had enough time to make the change if he wanted too.  He did not want too.  He did not give up the smokes.  He made a choice on what was right for him, which is absolutely right.  I made the choice on what was right for me.  The reality is our wants and needs did not match….so it was right to end.

It does not change the fact that I loved the time I spent with him.  I am so glad I met him. I must continue to be strong now.  I must not dwell on this feeling of loss but concentrate on the fact I do have lots of social invites and opportunities.  My life is for living. I want a life of action not reaction.  I am not going to react to the thoughts of him loving another woman but act on being positive and get out and do things and go places.

Keep moving forwards.  Don’t look back.

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